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Alexander Jenkins

Author:

Alex Whitt (ChozoMufin)

Aliases:

"Alexander"
"The Baker"
"The MufinMan"
"Mufin"

Appears in:

Ye Olde Battle Royale
Battle Royale Dos
The Great Epic Quest
Epic Quest: The Sequel
Epic Quest: The Threequel
Epic Quest IV

Affiliations:

Independent (BR:1:15 – BR:2:20)
Samus Aran (BR:2:20 – BR:3:2)
Samus, Raynor (BR:3:2 – EQ:1:1)

Species:

Human with Chozo DNA

Specialty:

ChozoBaking

Extra Abilities:

Extreme agility
Extreme throwing accuracy and range
Extreme baking speed
Extreme strength
Extremely good hearing
Can control digestion

Armament:

The Ban-Hammer
The Gauntlet
SpeedyBake JumboMufin Bakery Kit™
MufinTin

Relations:

Samus Aran (wife)
Serenity (daughter)

The Baker, also known as Alexander Jenkins and The MufinMan, is one of the main (and founding) members of The B-Team. He is one of only two completely consistent characters that have participated in every chapter of Epic Quest Saga, being precisely who he is from his first appearance in the Battle Royale.

No one knows exactly how old he is, but he was alive when Vyrna was in its prime; this was when he was trained by the Chozo. It is assumed that he has kept him self alive (and youthful) through consuming LifeMufins.

After being pierced by Kerah Serrigan, the Baker received several artificial bones and organs from the Chozo (EQ2:10:9). The bones are metallic, and have proved to be nearly unbreakable. The organs are a grey-blue color, and his spinal cord was replaced with electrical wiring. These new parts were also significant upgrades in that he could digest food at any rate he wished, and he had slightly better muscle control through his new spinal cord. They can also re-grow themselves when injured (EQ2:10:16).


AppearanceEdit

EQ2:9:17

Next to them was a tall dark-brown haired man with a lean, agile build, and there was a bright yellow apron around his stainless white apparel. A smile formed on his leathery brown face.

BiographyEdit

Miscellaneous fact: the Baker has at some time been an assassin (EQ2:5:11). This likely took place in-between Battle Royale and Epic Quest.

Courtship of Samus Aran (Battle Royale I and II)Edit

He, like several other main characters, participated in the Battle Royale as a combatant, but what is far more important is that it was there that he first met his future wife, Samus Aran. Their first encounter is rather unique: Samus had just saved the Baker from Sean Connery, and she then had her first romantic thoughts of him (they being a flawless match, of course). However, at the time, she felt that she could not afford an emotional relationship, so she killed him; supposedly, this was the only way to illuminate the temptation (BR:2:16) (Absurdity, but it was written by someone other than ChozoMufin.)

The Baker feigned this death, and later hijacked her ship. He subsequently crashed the ship on a space iceberg, and they were both sucked into the void. He managed to keep Samus alive only through frantically feeding her OxyMufins (BR:2:20) (He was apparently able to survive through some of the vapors. Implausible, but so is everything else in this crudpuddle called a story.) He starts to slip into death, when suddenly, a flying popcorn kernel thrown by the Moviegoer awakens him. He then splits the last OxyMufin between himself and Samus, and they jump out of the Movie together.

During the ensuing Lost Five Chapters, Samus ran away from The Baker, for she could not bear to be saved by another. Monstrous St. G-ClayzillaPimp.J McGee-Claus Jr., the Hunted was forced to deliver presents to the "naughty" children of the world; hatefully, one of these was Samus (BR2:8:11). His present to her was, remarkably, Alexander Jenkins himself (BR2:8:12).

However, because of the intense feelings that he dredged up in her, she became angry; angry enough to try to kill Monstrous St. G-ClayzillaPimp.J McGee-Claus Jr., the Hunted Giver. Alexander was so depressed at this (for she was his only love), that he went to kill the creature himself. This was such an impressive feat (for G-Zilla was mighty) that, in addition to his salvation of her five chapters prior, she knew that this was one of the few men that could fit into her life. She then acknowledged her feelings for him, and they were married shortly thereafter. (BR2:8:14)

Between the Battle Royale and Epic QuestEdit

After Raynor's transference from the Movie to the real world, he, The Baker, and Samus initiated a battle; it was skipped over (BR:3:2). After the battle, they united, forming the first resemblance of the B-Team.

It is known that Raynor spent the years in-between Battle Royale and Epic Quest under the ruins of New York; Samus and the Baker, meanwhile, are found in a secluded area by themselves, seemingly well established. It is thus assumed that the group split up after the CG'd events of Raynor's transference.

Epic QuestEdit

Neither the Baker nor Samus participated in the sparring contest at the beginning of Epic Quest. They had an easy life at that point (although it is assumed they operated as vigilantes or something during the in-between years) (EQ:1:13). He awoke one day to find that someone had absconded with the entirety of his Mufin collection, and that someone had stolen his Ban-Hammer. In order to find these items, the two were drawn into the general conflict. They arrive on the sparring grounds in his Delivery Van-Ship, only to find The Chef's betrayal. (They had not previously met this Chef, mind you.)

After some conflict, they determined that Jacen had stolen his Mufins and The Chef, far more sinister, had stolen his Hammer. He then vowed vengeance on the Chef. It was later found that the Chef had carelessly baked the Hammer's hilt into one of his turkey-meteors, for when it crashed into their van, the hilt was found among the muck. (EQ:2:16)

During the conflict, a shard of the Hammer that had touched the Chef fell off, being replaced through replication. That shard was used by Guitar Hero for various reasons, and returned to the Baker after Guitar Hero's "disorientation" incident (EQ:3:4). After being captured by Broccoli Men, the Baker found that the shard had become fused to his palm. It was found to have a strong attraction to the hilt, which returned to him through numerous bulkheads. He and Jacen then took over the vessel and crashed back into earth.

After more conflict with The Chef's forces, the Team was snatched up by a Wayward Gnome. They were dropped off near a town, in which they bought the false Yem-Shui Mk. IV (EQ:4:5). The Eggman tried to sneak onto their ship, but he was beaten back by The Baker. The Team heard Jacen's summons to the Dragon's cave, and during the battle, the Yem-Shui was destroyed.

After the battle, The Baker and Samus went to purchase and assemble the Turbo Bus. They and the B-Team then tracked down the Chef/Eggman alliance, and engaged them in battle. During this fight, the Baker slew The Chef with the newly-acquired zombie annihilation powers of his Ban-Hammer/Guantlet combo.

Samus had engaged MastaCheif, driving him off. The Eggman (now turned Abyss) retreats, leaving the B-Team temporarily victorious. After the Chef reincarnated, he joined them, and they sought Abyss. During the engagement, Samus was killed (EQ:9:14); this left the Baker devastated, and as he tried to save her, the Chef betrayed him and left him unconscious (EQ:9:15). Later, the Chef returned and repaired his wrongs, bringing Samus back with him from Paradise (EQ:10:5).


Armaments / AbilitiesEdit

ChozoMufinsEdit

The Baker is of the order of ChozoBakers of old, and is trained in the Chozo culinary arts. He can bake any of the original recipe ChozoMufins, and has several recipies of his own. Mufins meant for eating are said to provide the most intense pleasure one can experience in this life (EQ2:4:8). These are the Mufins mentioned in the Epic Quest Saga:

Standard ChozoMufinEdit

These Mufins are explosive, and detonate on contact. The effect is similar to a high-powered grenade. An auxiliary effect is that they re-vitalize most zombie flesh before detonating; this makes them excellent anti-zombie weapons (BR:1:15)

Healing ChozoMufin of PowerEdit

Rejuvenates the body and the soul, and heals most non-lethal wounds, internal and superficial. Exhilarates the consumer, giving an increased energy level and abnormal strength.

LifeMufinEdit

This Mufin is said to give the consumer 2000 years of life past his natural time of death (EQ:4:6). Eating them periodically would theoretically result in eternal life (thought not immortality, mind you); however, none outside the Chozo have had access to them, and the Chozo themselves refuse to use them.

DeathMufinEdit

A bit of the opposite. Causes instantaneous death upon consumption. ("Consumption" could be anything from licking to gobbling.) (EQ2:5:11) It tastes powerfully of spinach (EQ2:9:15).

Original Flavor Blueberry ChozoMufins with a Light Glazing and Just a Hint of LemonEdit

These hulking, mountain-sized foodstuffs explode with the power of a thousand Super Novae. Their destructive radius is five light years in length; only armor blessed by hax can survive it; none lesser can withstand it. It is also extremely aromatic (even in space), and is irresistible to any exposed nostril. (BR:2:13)

There are also miniature versions of these Mufins, which are referred to as ChozoSuperMufins — a reference to superweapons(EQ2:5:7). These have approximately the power of an atomic weapon (EQ2:6:6).

OxyMufinEdit

A special recipe of the Baker's, OxyMufins contain enough oxygen to fill a house. The Baker employed them in the vacuum of space to keep Samus and himself alive. (BR:2:20)

WasabiMufinEdit

Turns the consumer temporarily into a bullfrog. Extremely addictive. (BR:3:14)

Banana-Nut ChozoMufinEdit

Puts the consumer into a trance-like state, in which vital signs are nearly undetectable. This makes it perfect for feigning death, in addition to aiding meditation. (BR:2:20)

The Lemon Poppy Seed UberJumbo-Sized ChozoSuperMegaMufin with a Delicious Sugar Coating, Chocolate Cream Filling, and Blueberry Extract Flavoring.Edit

Quote from (EQ2:8:4): "'It is the ultimate creation of all of the Chozo's baking history, and was only possible by our combined efforts. This baby could very easily blow up a planet, put out a star, or even open a rift in space-time, depending on the flavor. In fact, its destructive radius can be altered to encompass an entire sector of space, if desired. [A sector would include dozens of star systems.] The blueberry extract in its dough will ignite when we detonate it, setting off the poppy seed fireworks and causing the chocolate filling to explode, making a massively bright, loud, and obnoxious bang. Not only will it kill anything in the radius of the explosion, but it will stun anything without proper eye protection within five hundred thousand kilometers for about a year.'" –The Baker

However, its customization is not unlimited. Increasing power also means increasing destructive radius, and the effects of the ingredients all need to be extremely carefully balanced for the desired effect. As such, it is not the "end-all" weapon, and cannot be deployed for every purpose. It is also extremely costly to produce; the ingredients occur very rarely in most planets, and a single Mufin would deplete an entire planet of those resources. That is why it has not since been used by the Vyrnans.

Bakery EquipmentEdit

SpeedyBake JumboMufin Bakery Kit™Edit

Named in (EQ2:4:8)

The Baker always wears the SpeedyBake™ collapsible wrist oven on his left wrist. When not in use, it collapses to be the same size and style as his Gauntlet; (the two were designed as a pair, but he did not discover the Gauntlet until recently).

After visiting Vyrna for the first time, the Chozo upgrade the Bakery Kit to include a Mufin launching attachment (EQ2:9:10).

MufinTinEdit

Called the "greatest weapon known to mankind," the MufinTin is essentially a portable ChozOven. It is capable of baking LifeMufins and Original Flavor Blueberry ChozoMufins with a Light Glazing and Just a Hint of Lemon; those two substances alone make it worthy of its calling. (BR:2:13) Though the ChozOvens were large enough to accommodate the legendary mountain-sized Mufins, the MufinTin is no bigger than a van; it utilizes advanced Chozo dimensional technology that can make an object essentially be "larger on the inside than on the outside." It then teleports the monstrous confections into any available open space nearby.

Adornment and Weaponry:Edit

The Ban-HammerEdit

Easily the coolest and most powerful Hammer in the universe. It is of Chozo origin, and dates back millenia. The only records of its forging, if they still exist, lie deep in the ruins of an ancient Chozo library on a forgotten world. Its powers are legendary, and it has been wielded by the greatest Chozo warriors for generations. It is unknown how it came into the possession of The Baker, but it is undoubtedly linked to his Chozo heritage.

The Hammer itself is composed of transmogriphic-tricrystillium alloy (EQ:2:5): a metal unique to the Baker's Ban-Hammer, it has semi-organic properties in that it can shed portions of itself and regrow them, if enough energy is transferred to it externally or generated internally (EQ:1:7) This can also cause the Hammer to increase in mass during an assault, if the Baker channels enough energy into it. When coupled with the Gauntlet, the material has enough power to become literally unbreakable, and can stop any physical, electromagnetic, sonic, magical, or spiritual attack.

The Hammer has also been known to possess a consciousness, shared intimately with The Baker. It can navigate through computer systems independently, and can even warn the Baker of danger before it happens. The most notable occurrence of this happened when, after the Baker's death, his consciousness transferred to a shard of the Ban-Hammer, and from there to a young man.

In combat, the Hammer is invaluable. It carries impossible momentum when swung, even by a human arm. This momentum, coupled with an energy distortion field generated by the Hammerhead, gives it enough power to smash through almost any material. This can send shock waves throughout the structure powerful enough to make a concrete building crumble, or distress the superstructure of a metal building. The damage can be controlled by the user at will, and can be focused into a space the size of the Hammerhead itself, with devastating effects. It also has a sort of "stun" setting in which it can flatten and create an energy field around any organic material, "banning" it to the earth. This is extremely difficult to escape from.

It has also been shown to be capable of separating cleanly into two distinct and functioning parts, if it is stolen: the Hammerhead and the Hilt (EQ:2:16). These pieces, while far weaker than the whole, still possess all of their respective properties. These pieces also have an attraction to one another, and to the Baker's Palm-Shard (EQ:3:6). The attraction is strong enough to pull the parts through bulkheads, but slows down enough once reaching the Baker's hand to be caught.

While the Baker typically does not wear armor, he has been known to survive typically lethal assaults. The Ban-Hammer projects a moderately strong field of energy around him, that can protect him from most conventional attacks (bullets, shrapnel, weak lasers, etc.). However, it does not protect him from slow-moving, sharp objects, like swords, knives, or arrows, as it reflects objects based on kinetic energy.